Conrad Irwin
Conrad is the CTO of Superhuman, building the fastest email client in the world. He moved from the UK to San Francisco for a career in startups. Married to Molly, with a 19-month-old daughter and a 1-month-old son. [note: Conrad answered these questions just before his son was born!]
What does your normal working day look like?
Weekdays: ~6:30am Irene wakes up. Breakfast (usually oatmeal) and getting ready for the day takes most of the time until ~7:40am when we walk to daycare. Molly and I alternate mornings, and the other sleeps in.
Irene is at daycare until 4. Our babysitter picks her up, gives her a snack, and then does playtime until 6pm. At ~6 we finish work, cook dinner together (with as much help from Irene as we can figure out how to include) and then eat around 6:45-7:15pm; One of us does bath-time while the other cleans up the kitchen.
After bath time, it’s story time and then bedtime ~7:30-8pm. Usually, we work (either on our day jobs or household stuff / personal projects) in the evening for an hour or two, before bed ~10pm.
How long have you had this routine?
It’s been roughly similar since she was 3months old when we started daycare.
How has it changed as your children have gotten older or as your family has grown?
As her sleep times have changed, we’ve adapted (she used to nap when she got home from daycare and then eat). More recently, we used to split dinner prep – one person played while the other cooked – but recently, she’s preferred being in the kitchen with us (or can self-entertain).
What boundaries have you set around your work, and how did you work with your colleagues to enable them?
I am completely offline 6-8pm, and occasionally schedule “childcare” hours when daycare is closed or our babysitter can’t make it. So far, the company has been very supportive. I also don’t have any notifications enabled on my phone (except for escalated production outages), which helps avoid accidental pings.
What are the most important things to get right for a successful day?
Getting enough sleep (on average) throughout the week. It’s tough when Irene is struggling to sleep, so we’re pretty militant about taking turns so one of us can usually get a full night’s sleep (and we’ve moved our bedtime earlier to match her wake time).
Switching to weekends, what are the most important things to get right to have an excellent weekend day?
Lots of running around time! Daycare has plenty of activity and energy expenditure, and if we don’t find things to do that are energetic, then Irene gets irritable and mischievous. That said, we mostly plan the weekend we want to have and bring Irene along – our favorite activity recently has been biking to a coffee shop near a park on Saturday mornings.
Do you have anything that works particularly well in your childcare situation?
We love daycare as a way to meet other kids and play hard for many hours a day. She’s learned so many things from being around others (apparently, she is even mostly potty trained at daycare, though we haven’t managed to figure that out at home yet). We don’t love that it ends at 4pm!
What has been the most impactful thing you've automated or outsourced in your family?
We have had a house cleaner for a long time; she now comes every week and does laundry, which removes a lot of pressure from housework.
What principles have served you best in your parenting?
I like the principle of “freedom in a framework” and “consistency”. It’s also been useful to distinguish between “mischievous” (ok in moderation) and “naughty” (never ok).
When you feel overwhelmed as a parent, what do you do?
Handoff to the other parent. For pretty much everything, we alternate daily (though it’s not particularly strict), and if things get hard, we try to make sure only one of us is in the line of fire at a time and switch over after 5-10 minutes.
What is your approach to screen time?
We don’t watch much content; we let Irene play with our phones and take selfies etc., as she wishes/ if she can get hold of them. As she’s got older, we’ve started to show her pictures of other people she knows, and she loves watching pictures/videos of herself; but we limit this to a few minutes (until we’re bored!)
How do you set and follow through with 'consequences'?
Not well yet :D
Is there a primary parent in your household, or do you split the parenting evenly?
Pretty evenly split (and I checked with my partner before saying this :D)
If there is an even split between parents, how do you divide the work and ensure it is fair?
For most things, we just alternate day by day or occasion by occasion; for longer-term things (e.g. medical appointments), we take them as whoever is most free, and it’s balanced itself pretty well. For managing childcare, I manage daycare; Molly manages babysitters.
What is your most life-changing parenting purchase under $100?
Sleep sacks! Irene slept in hers from ~6 to 18 months which was probably the most use we’ve got out of any purchase.
What is something unusual or unique that you do in your family?
This was advice from Molly’s parents: we have “Irene’s drawer” in the kitchen, which has all her stuff. We haven’t needed to child-proof any other drawers/cupboards because if she gets curious, we can redirect her to Irene’s drawer, and as a bonus, now she’s old enough to help empty the dishwasher. She can put her own things away in the drawer and get out plates and cups for herself.
What piece of advice do you give to all new parents? What advice should they ignore?
Treat your baby like a real person, include them in everything you’re doing, give them the help they need to succeed, and continually admire them for their progress and effort.
One very small thing: tell them what will happen tomorrow, so they know what to expect when they wake up.