Jon Jon Wesolowski
Hi, I’m Jon Jon 👋 I work in Customer Engagement at Superhuman, and I’m passionate about customer experience. Outside of work, I love urban design and development, and my idea of a good time is talking about transportation alternatives at my local city council. I’m married to Megan, we live in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and we have two kids: Finn (9) and Ellie (5). We are respite foster parents, so our house is also a revolving door for temporary placements of varying ages and life stages.
What does your normal working day look like?
My son and I are early risers. Usually, we’re both up at 6:00, and I see him get breakfast before my first meeting at 6:30 am.
Around 7:00, Ellie and Megan will join Finn downstairs, and I’ll take my first break to get coffee with the family. Around this time, Megan and I try to find a place away from the kids to get alone time.
We are a single-income household, and both the kids do a hybrid of homeschooling and attending an enrichment program twice a week. So after breakfast, Megan will either get started with their lessons or take them to school.
Around 7:30, I head back to work and I love hearing life happening outside my office. I come downstairs to spend time with the family for lunch breaks and cancelled meetings during the day.
Because I start early, I finish work not long after the kids finish school. On a normal working day, even with short winter days, I can get off in time to go out for a hike or go to the park, and not have to spend time in the dark. We also love experiences: We have lots of memberships to museums, clubs, etc, and it’s typical to try and get out and do something together as a family. This also means I can help make dinner, go grocery shopping, or generally help around the house.
We almost always have dinner together.
If I have after-hours work, I usually will wait until after the kids' bedtime, though it’s rare in my current position.
We have found a rhythm and have had to make sacrifices to make a single-income work, but we have both come to love it.
How long have you had this routine?
About two years. We originally didn’t intend to live off of a single income – initially we both worked. But when it happened, we loved it and started prioritizing it. Working in SaaS has definitely made it possible with flexibility and income.
How has it changed as your children have gotten older or as your family has grown?
My children are three years apart, and we initially worried about whether or not that age gap would affect them being friends. But during the pandemic they spent a lot of time together and are the best of friends (most of the time). They are incredibly independent and spend a lot of time hanging out together. I think we lucked out in this way.
As they’ve gotten older, they’ve started to develop more personalized opinions and tastes. It’s hard to find something everyone will be enthusiastic to do by default. Recently, it’s taken a lot of iteration and communication and rarely do plans excite everyone equally.
What boundaries have you set around your work and how did you work with your colleagues to enable them?
I rarely work outside my scheduled hours. But If I do, I have two boundaries:
I keep work at my desk. If I see an email on my phone, I will walk upstairs to reply at my desk. This makes my office feel like a physical work-only space, and the rest of my home is for family. My office door is a 0.2 second commute.
If I need to work extra hours, I try not to stay too long after work, and instead pick it back up when the kids are in bed.
The reason this is rare is because there was a point in my career that I felt like I crossed a line. I realized the money I was making was enough to support my family. Since then, I’ve sought out career advancements which increase my flexibility and time over higher pay or title changes.
As a result, my current position asks a lot less of me than previous ones, and it’s made my work relatively easy to keep within my scheduled working hours.
What systems do you have in place to have a successful day?
I start early, and most of my team is three hours later than me. This gives me a solid 3-4 hours to get work done and meet with clients before getting distracted by Slack pings and internal emails.
Switching to weekends, what are the most important things to get right to have an excellent weekend day?
I think a pulse check is important. We tend to pack our weekends if we’re not careful. I think it’s important to make space for the type of weekend you need as a family: be intentional, and make space for rest or adventure as needed.
What have been the most impactful things you've done to save time / energy in your family?
Weekly rituals! Having certain things you do on certain nights takes the pressure off creating moments, and lets you enjoy each others company. We used to start the weekend with pizza and movie, and recently we’ve been watching the LEGO Masters as a family. Having something to look forward to, and doesn’t require planning, has given us respite throughout the week.
What principles have served you best in your parenting?
Feed curiosity! Rather than just praising a drawing, ask questions about choices, and technique, or highlight specific things you think they did that were interesting. This rewards effort and validates their processes. I think I first heard this in The Danish Way of Parenting. But asking questions and making specific comments about their performance/creations/behavior gives them more of an internal locus of control and contributes to why those Nordic countries often end up being so happy as a culture!
Kids are tougher than you think! Take them on adventures you like to go on. I once heard someone say, “Don’t interrupt kids when they are taking risks and paying attention at the same time.” Of course, there’s a limit to this, but it’s so important for kids to try challenging things. Let them climb on things, jump off things, or balance on a log to cross a creek!
Prioritize experiences. I think they can be so much more impactful than just having a cluttered toy chest. I love having memberships, trips, and adventures to go on.
What is your approach to screen time?
We give close to none during the week (with a few exceptions), but are pretty liberal on weekends. We like sleeping in on Saturday, so often the kids get a longer Saturday morning session.
We try to limit shows with exhaustive and fast cuts (YouTube Kids) because I’ve seen how it affects their attention span negatively.
How do you handle hard behaviour e.g. tantrums?
We learned so much working with foster children and going through foster training. With foster children, you will learn about what triggers their trauma. We had a boy who was in a traumatic car incident and most meltdowns happened in the car. This forced us to be intentional about car time. The best way to curb tantrums or meltdowns is to be proactive beforehand.
When they do happen, we try to create space. This might mean leaving where we are, or moving to a different part of the room for privacy. Regardless, we also try to tune out others around us if we’re in public. Getting on their eye level and asking questions helps. Dialogues are naturally defusing.
Is there a primary parent in your household or do you split the parenting evenly?
My wife stays home with the kids, though she also manages an Airbnb property out of state. She oversees all of the day-to-day living chores. This doesn’t mean, however, she does all of them. I will often step in where needed and submit to her leadership there, and I take care of the weekend responsibilities.
I enjoy grocery shopping and cooking, and volunteer whenever I can. This gives me ‘introvert-time’ to recharge and listen to podcasts.
If there is a primary parent, how do you set the boundaries, expectations, and breaks for that parent?
Megan will get more breaks during the days the kids are at school; this is where she will get a chance to rest or catch up around the house. I try to take on a heavier load of yard work and home maintenance, and I usually do these on the weekend. If there is a particularly hard day for her, or a long weekend ahead of me, we will pitch in and help each other.
What is your most life-changing parenting purchase under $100?
For babies: Nose Frida. It feels so unnatural, but a baby that can breathe will eat and sleep that much better! And once it works its magic, you will swear by it.
What book has been most influential for you as a parent?
Simplicity Parenting. This book helps keep a home environment from being overly stimulating, and build margin for your children to develop their minds and creativity.
Is there anything else you would like to add?
Buy memberships, and keep them on rotation! In our town, we have a great art museum, children's museum, a world class aquarium, a zoo, and a trampoline park. We usually have active memberships to two of these and rotate through them. This allows the kids to explore and try new experiences and cycle in new ones each year.