Marc Rousset
Marc is a Partner in the Retail and Consumer Goods and Digital practices at Oliver Wyman, a global management consulting firm. Marc is based in West Hartford, CT, with his wife Emily, and their two kids, a five year old and a three year old.
What does your normal working day look like?
Kids are up around 7am, the eldest is at kindergarten and the youngest is at daycare at around 8:15 am. Most often, Emily and I both work from home, but sometimes I travel. When I do, I try to grab10am flights to avoid missing mornings. I work straight through; Emily usually hits the Peloton at lunch. One or both of us pick up the kids around 5, and we have dinner together at 5:30. We hang out, then start the evening routine at around 6:45, with lights out at 7:30 ish. Emily and I get “our time” through 10pm, when we go to sleep.
How long have you had this routine?
Since COVID: my travel slowed, and I could be an extra pair of hands in the evening which meant we could reasonably eat with them and do bedtime altogether.
How has it changed as your children have gotten older or as your family has grown?
Adding a second kid was a lot harder to juggle everything single-handedly, but when I slowed traveling it helped make it manageable. When our youngest was on a more infant routine, it wasn’t as consistent. Once he hit around 5 or 6 months old, it really gelled.
What boundaries have you set around your work, and how did you work with your colleagues to enable them?
I have a strict “Family Block” in my calendar between 4:30 and 7:30 every day I’m home, and I plan my travel to make either the morning or evening routine on a travel day. My team has other young parents and/or is very accommodating. I often do a “night shift” after 8pm which involves calls and emails if things are busy to make sure my team gets the support they need.
What are the most important things for you to get right to have a successful day?
We are militant about sleep: both my wife and I function best with restful sleep. So we are strict on getting kids to bed, and ourselves wound down and asleep around 10. We sleep-trained our kids, and it made a world of difference for us.
Switching to weekends, what are the most important things to get right to have an excellent weekend day?
Our kids are social, but can get cranky when too tired. We aim to find the right mix of activities, social outings, and downtime to ensure the kids strike the right balance. Our 5-year-old doesn’t nap, but we keep an “independent reading time” for his downtime, which is also when we tend to exercise.
We book up weekends, plan playdates, events, and the like and keep a running calendar. It's nothing fancy, just an email with each weekend listed out. We note any family commitments, holidays (like days when school is closed), travel, playdates, activities, and then my travel if I'm away. I literally search my inbox for "Q3 Calendar" and just reply all when there's an edit. We tend to start it about half a quarter out, so there's a bit of notice on the first week. Once a month or so, we'll sit down and look at it and declutter it. Having too many commitments on too many weekends doesn't allow space for downtime. We like to keep some unplanned time for spontaneity or even just boredom. Great things come of boredom!
Do you have anything that works particularly well in your childcare situation?
Emily is amazing at enlisting an army of babysitters, so we have a lot of flexibility for going out at night. On vacations, we’re very focused on how it’s not just a vacation for the kids, but one for us too: enough space, activities / occupying things for kids, and onsite childcare.
What have been the most impactful things that you've automated or outsourced in your family?
We have an ongoing discussion on all household chores rooted in a simple trade-off of how long it takes to do and what it costs to outsource. An early decision was to have someone clean the house. Once in a while, we’ll have a great “test”: I mulched one year and immediately regretted not paying someone to do it and redirect the five hours it took towards family and fun.
What principles have served you best in your parenting?
Meet the kid where they are. I think we feel there’s a lot of innate personality that we don’t want to get caught up comparing or meeting some model and maybe trying to change. We also try to focus on moderation: whether it’s sweets, screen time, activities… everything in moderation.
It’s also a question of what is really important and what is not. There's way too much judgement on parenting, and it's hard to mess up.
When you feel overwhelmed as a parent, what do you do?
We are fortunate we have family in town, and when we’re at our limits, we reach out to get a sleepover arranged. Even just a night off with a babysitter is hugely helpful.
What is your approach to screen time?
During COVID we “broke the seal”. We only do it on weekends to synchronize our youngest’s nap with our eldest’s downtime or when travelling. We don’t have the TV on generally (e.g. we don’t watch sports), which helps keep the interest down.
How do you set and follow through with 'consequences'?
Our kids love their books and toys (e.g. Lego). We stay as constructive as possible (lots of offramps to behavior, let them be on their own to do the right thing out of sight, etc.), but then count down towards “toy jail”. Jail is released after a few days of positive behavior.
Is there a primary parent in your household, or do you split the parenting evenly?
Emily is the primary parent. She takes a lead on being the first point of contact and usually coverage if they need to be sent home; she handles scheduling their activities and appointments, meals, clothes, birthday presents, etc.
If there is a primary parent, how do you set the boundaries, expectations, and breaks for that parent?
We talk! We have good communication, and we’re transparent about where our limits are. When I’m not travelling, anytime the kids are home we’re both engaged and participating in parenting (or trading off for exercise, friend outings, etc.). More broadly, we plan our life on a quarterly basis.
We also “check-in” and see if we need to adjust our routine, if there needs to be a change in who does what, or if we need more help.
What book has been most influential for you as a parent?
Happiest baby on the block (when they are infants), the 411 series (when there’s a medical question), Ferber’s book (Solve your child’s sleep problems… aka get some sleep!), How to talk so kids will listen (initially advised for handling clients, actually useful for all ages!)
What piece of advice do you give to all new parents? What advice should they ignore?
The best advice is that one of Americans’ favorite pastimes is telling parents how to be parents, so plan to ignore almost all of it! So with a heavy dose of irony, the best advice we got was, “sleep begets sleep”. The crankier they are, the earlier they go to bed.
What other question should I have asked?
I’d ask what you stopped doing when you had kids. We found that we had to drop some hobbies or activities to make time for kids. It’s not a bad thing, but I think helps grip how you need to alter your life, and not just cram more in (and risk burnout), but redirect. I used to keep way too many hobbies, and now I’ve narrowed it down to a couple that give me the most pleasure.