Rachael Rowley
Rachael Rowley works full-time as the Head of Resources at Museums Galleries Scotland, the National Development Body for Museums in Scotland. She lives in central Edinburgh with her husband Kyle and is Step-mum to Erin (13) and Mum to Ben (10) and Isla (7). She also has two cats and a dog… of course.
What does your normal working day look like?
Like many these days, I mainly work from home. My organisation has always supported flexible working and working mothers in particular. This has been invaluable to me as a parent since I joined seven years ago when my youngest child was eight months old.
We try to prepare for our daily routine (if you could call it that) the night before. School aside… the children are now at an age where they participate in an ever-increasing number of clubs/activities, and the coordination of uniforms, equipment, lift sharing and SNACKS is something we encourage them to take some responsibility for. So, in the evening, they find the clothes and accessories they need for the next day, school uniform, football kit (‘no, I don’t know where your shin guards are’) in an attempt to create less stress in the morning.
Kyle works as a site-based construction PM which calls for early starts but reasonable finishing times, which on balance, is my preference. Before he leaves for work, he has one critical job, which is to make the coffee!
The rest of the house gets up as Kyle leaves, around 7am - Ben and I take turns in the shower and after, I check my emails quickly as the children get dressed, brush teeth, gather up a load of laundry, get cereal, feed the cats and then empty the dishwasher as part of their daily responsibilities.
Over some more breakfast, we chat through the logistics of the day, what’s happening at school that day, the plans for after school for each child, who is getting collected from where and by who at what time. I prepare their lunches, prompting a daily discussion about their expectations of packed lunch versus the reality of their packed lunch, and negotiate a compromise over the quantity or quality of treats and salty snacks.
We live very close to the school, so we leave at about 8.30am, I drop them off and walk the dog, normally back home and at my desk for 9.15. I work solidly for most of the day with maybe 30 mins for some lunch and to do some tidying or dinner prep. And finish around 5.30 depending on the urgency of any work.
Kyle is normally home in time to collect some or all of the children depending on where they are, and coordinate any homework, food shopping or getting started with dinner. There are activities every day of the week, so we might not all manage to eat the same thing at the same time, but we flex and go with it. After this, the organisation for the next day begins.
Bedtime is a more fluid thing with the older two, but Isla is normally in bed by 8pm after a story.
Somewhere in all of this, we squeeze in our own interests, such as spending time together, the gym, gardening and more dog walking.
How long have you had this routine?
This ‘post pandemic’ routine has been working for us for nearly a year.
How has it changed as your children have gotten older or as your family has grown?
I’m enjoying them even more as they have grown up, despite being busier supporting all their interests. It’s challenging to lose some of the quiet time for Kyle and me in the evening as the bedtimes have crept a little later, but this also allows us actually to see the kids given all their activities.
Setting chores for them quite early on has been positive for us, and this adapts to our needs.
What boundaries have you set around your work, and how did you work with your colleagues to enable them?
At the start of the pandemic, it felt almost impossible to establish appropriate boundaries. My organisation had to react quickly to direct emergency funding to the Museum sector in Scotland, and as we are relatively small, we all gave 100% and more during that time.
Now things have settled, we maintain full-time hours as 36 hours a week, and within that, I can work flexibly between 7am and 7pm with the option to accrue some flexi-time.
This flex is highly valued and respected by everyone in the organisation.
What are the most important things for you to get right to have a successful day?
We all hate being rushed, so getting up on time is really important to how the day feels.
Other than that, I keep a flexible mindset and do my best, whatever that might look like, throughout the day, so I feel I made some good choices - I don’t ever really feel like the day is a failure.
How do you "turn off work" and give the kids your full attention?
I don’t think I do give them my full attention unless we are out of the house. I enjoy the opportunity for individual connections when walking the dog or travelling in the car. Holiday time is also really important for shifting focus away from other things.
Do you have anything that works particularly well in your childcare situation?
We live very close to the school and many of their friends. The time this saves is invaluable.
What has been the most impactful thing you've done to save time / energy in your family?
Giving the children chores and building confidence in their capacity to contribute to the day-to-day.
What principles have served you best in your parenting?
Do what you need to do to get you through. Work to your strengths. You can only do your best. You are their parent, not their friend.
What is your approach to screen time?
Having such active kids, I am ok with screen time as it helps them with some quiet time and enables us to get on and do the necessary day-to-day things without interruption.
At the moment, our rules are that it’s homework and chores first, screens off an hour before bedtime, and they understand that screen time is the first thing to be reduced/removed if their behaviour becomes an issue.
How do you handle hard behaviour e.g. tantrums?
I’m pretty tight on this. I acknowledge their feelings which are almost always valid, but things can’t go their way all the time.
I ask what would help them. I ask if they are hungry. Offer a cuddle. If these things don’t help, I explain that I will give them some space to do what it is they need to do.
Ignore it and wait it out for a reasonable amount of time before offering more cuddles.
Is there a primary parent in your household or do you split the parenting evenly?
I would say I am the primary parent as I do more of the family organisation and most of the cooking, but it’s not far off even in direct childcare responsibilities.
We work to our strengths and try to be flexible with each other's parenting styles.
What is something unusual or unique that you do in your family?
‘Egg Wednesday’. Wednesdays are the busiest day for our household, and we don’t all come together until bedtime. ‘Egg Wednesday’ is a way of taking the pressure off dinner but making it a bit more fun for the kids. Rules of Egg Wednesday: you can have whatever eggs you like - but it’s definitely eggs. Fried, scrambled, eggy bread, boiled, omelette… such a small thing, but it still works for us.
What piece of advice do you give to all new parents? What advice should they ignore?
Top tips would be to do what works for you and to remember that when it comes down to it, you are all that they need.